Practical Mathematical Calculations

*ROMANCE MATHEMATICS*
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


*OFFICE ARITHMETIC *
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


*SHOPPING MATH*
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

*GENERAL EQUATIONS *
A woman worries about the future until she gets a
husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets
a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a
man.


*HAPPINESS*
To be happy with a man, you must understand him
a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand
her at all.

*LONGEVITY STATISTICS*
Married men live longer than single men, but
married men are a lot more
willing to die.

*PROPENSITY TO CHANGE *
A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
change, but she does.

*DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE *
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of
a new argument.

*HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU
ABOUT GETTING MARRIED*
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,
poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing
to them at funerals.